[JamesPG5FowlerParticipant]

http://www.innoutnba.com/2010/03/james-fowlers-fav-5.html My second article. What do you guys think?

[M-DYMESParticipant]

I’ll be a little more critical on this one. I just think you wrote way too much about yourself in this one. As a reader, I don’t think you look to read as much about the impact on the writer as opposed to who he/she is writing about. I’d much rather continue to hear you write about their backgrounds/personality/strengths/weaknesses as opposed to how he impacted a person’s game who I don’t watch.

[JamesPG5FowlerParticipant]

I understand, I was assigned to write a personal one that way, I can show a personal side to my readers. Get to know who I am and stuff like that. Kinda like a basketball background kinda thing. Thank you for reading, I will be getting back to writing about players, the draft, and other stuff.

[JamesPG5FowlerParticipant]

a video of me, that way it brings out the stuff I am talking about.

[DanEboyParticipant]

I though it was well written for someone of your age who is just starting to write. Just keep working on your grammer and punctuation. To nit pick, there were some out of place commas and other grammatical errors.. For example, “a athlete” when it should be “an athlete.” You called Rubio “the Ricky Rubio.” These are all minor details that you will learn, Engish is the hardest language to master. There are a lot of great books out there that demonstrate the ins and outs of writing and grammer.

Good job my man.

[rtbtParticipant]

Since you asked, I’m going to throw in a few comments. DanEboy pointed out some of your grammatical errors. I didn’t proofread the article, but I saw another glaring mistake. “He is the best all-around player in the NBA, still even at 36.”

You don’t end a sentence with “still even at 36”. I’m guessing there were other grammatical errors, so I suggest you get someone to proofread because it’s next to impossible to see your own mistakes.

In terms of personal opinions, Steve Nash is one of the greatest point guards of all time but he isn’t number one. That honor goes to Magic Johnson, whom you mentioned in the same section.

Although Jason Kidd is definitely at an elite level, I don’t think he’s the best all around player in the NBA.

Putting aside my personal opinions, I agree with DanEboy, you’re off to a great start. And asking for feedback on a website like this is definitely a good idea.

[Author]

Posts